MALUFET si Inday.... May Ph.D. Degree!!!!

One forwarded e-mail for me from a very reliable source....
She maybe employs this maid that is quite very extraordinary... if not exceptional.

Her plight....

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo...

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [Di maka-react habang nagno-nosebleed ulit]


Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]


Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing. I don't want you to percieve that being idle means losing the thought of learning from a communicable media.

Donya: [hinimatay]


Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they're beguile!

Principal: [nag resign]


Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [napatumbling!!]


Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you! And I won't give a damn business on the repurcussions that may result in domesticating your actions!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, pinunasan ang nagdudugong ilong!!]


Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]


Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.


Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, naging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong. Sa labas ng gate...

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"


Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.


Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [hinimatay sa sobrang nosebleed! Hanggang ngayon hindi pa nagkakamalay]


Naho-homesick si Inday isang gabi... hindi makatulog

Inday (nagmumuni-muni): I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of austerity I was made separated from?


Inday, nageemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si Dodong, ang boyfriend niya

I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what I feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance.


Napagutusan si Inday na mamalengke ng isda.

Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. Ay, oo nga pla Inglesera ka na! Would you please purchase many fishes for our this week's meals?

Inday: Judging from your statement Ma'am I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes", although rarely and even erroneously used, connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the aforementioned gilled creatures under the Phylum Chordata.The word should only be "fish". But the more pressing questions before I traveresed the road to the wet market would be: What certain type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day's catch? (Pauses) Aaah! by manner of careful extrapolation of your statement, given the meager budget in this houshold's quasi-peasant middle class taste, I assume then I will source the staple "galewng-gowng". Am I correct? uhm... maybe "Til-lowp-yea"?

Amo: LECHE!

Inday: Oh!!! You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the "ba-ngooz" is it!

Amo: [halos sabay na ang external nosebleeding at internal hemorrhage]



La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor!
- Banat ni Inday habang tumatawad sa Palengke ng Espanya


*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetable salad in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
- Baon na hinanda ni Inday isang araw para kay Junior na pumapasok sa Day care center.


Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
- Banat ni Inday habang pinapalayas ang isang pulubi sa harap ng gate.

Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.
- Sagot ni Inday kay Donya sa tanong kung bakit may mga rashes si Junior.

Physical stress and excessive work may result to stress, lest austere damage to one's body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.
- Banat ni Inday habang nagpapaalam para makapag-day-off.


Isa sa mga liham ni Inday para sa kanyang ina na nasa probinsya....

Dear Mom,

Had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have collapsed moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never lot being a governess can be such a strenuous employ.

Your daughter,
Inday


Reply naman sa kanya...

Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital nanay mo, walang tigil ang pagdugo ng ilong kababasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

Tatay


Walang magawa si Inday sa buhay....

Misis: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?

Inday: I have computed the chair's fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This in accordance with PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets!

Misis: ADIK ka talaga Inday!ADEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! [habang katabi si Rosa Rosal na nagbibigay ng dugo dahil sa sobrang nosebleeding!]